Welcome to Part One of my new series: "How to be homeless." If you find yourself without an abode, a crash pad, a flat, quarters, residence, address, roof over your head, lodging, accommodation, a room, etc., read on.
Part 1: Live From your Car
First you'll need a car. If you own an RV, VW van, or truck with a topper., you are not really considered homeless and this article is not for you. This is how to live out of a car. The model vehicle for this study is a '99 VW Passat . The most important matter, of course, is how to sleep in this car. Clearly, for an extended bout of homelessness, sleeping in a reclined front seat will not suffice. Horizontal is the only way to go. The best option available is to fold down one of the backseats and sleep with your feet in the trunk and your head behind the driver's seat. Depending on the make of car, this will be uncomfortable due to the incline of the seat above the level of the trunk. To fix this situation, simply place bulky articles of clothing, a backpack etc. in the trunk underneath where your feet will reside. Once you have managed a 0% grade, cram your sleeping pad through the opening in the backseat and inflate it. Place your sleeping bag in the tunnel, and you're all set.
Step two is to find a place to park. Location is everything. Start looking for a place while it's still light out. If you choose a parking place under cover of darkness, it is possible that you will wake up in front of a preschool with concerned mothers peering in the window, then dialing 911. This is embarassing and dangerous, so scope your options in the daylight. The place you are looking for is within sight of a major thoroughfare. Take if from me (or ask my siblings, or Natalie): if you choose a place that is remote, dark and spooky, you will "wig out" immediately after nightfall. So, find a place just off a major road. The trick is to find a spot where cars won't necessarily see you from the road but where you can hear the traffic. Being out of sight is best because you might find yourself speaking with a frustrated mounty who doesn't like you vagabonding around the outskirts of his town.
After you've found a suitable spot and made your bed, get settled in! Make sure to leave the windows cracked (even if it's raining), and lock the doors. If you like, leave the keys in the ignition in case you are wakened by the prase "Cleetus, ge'on an' grab mah hatchet," or the rumblings of a curious bear sniffing the food in your trunk.
Enjoy your night! In the morning you will want to get up relatively early, unless you have found a particularly ideal spot and your presence will not arouse suspisions in the morning light.
Stay tuned for Part 2: How to manipulate public resources
Hasta entonces...
Part 1: Live From your Car
First you'll need a car. If you own an RV, VW van, or truck with a topper., you are not really considered homeless and this article is not for you. This is how to live out of a car. The model vehicle for this study is a '99 VW Passat . The most important matter, of course, is how to sleep in this car. Clearly, for an extended bout of homelessness, sleeping in a reclined front seat will not suffice. Horizontal is the only way to go. The best option available is to fold down one of the backseats and sleep with your feet in the trunk and your head behind the driver's seat. Depending on the make of car, this will be uncomfortable due to the incline of the seat above the level of the trunk. To fix this situation, simply place bulky articles of clothing, a backpack etc. in the trunk underneath where your feet will reside. Once you have managed a 0% grade, cram your sleeping pad through the opening in the backseat and inflate it. Place your sleeping bag in the tunnel, and you're all set.
Step two is to find a place to park. Location is everything. Start looking for a place while it's still light out. If you choose a parking place under cover of darkness, it is possible that you will wake up in front of a preschool with concerned mothers peering in the window, then dialing 911. This is embarassing and dangerous, so scope your options in the daylight. The place you are looking for is within sight of a major thoroughfare. Take if from me (or ask my siblings, or Natalie): if you choose a place that is remote, dark and spooky, you will "wig out" immediately after nightfall. So, find a place just off a major road. The trick is to find a spot where cars won't necessarily see you from the road but where you can hear the traffic. Being out of sight is best because you might find yourself speaking with a frustrated mounty who doesn't like you vagabonding around the outskirts of his town.
After you've found a suitable spot and made your bed, get settled in! Make sure to leave the windows cracked (even if it's raining), and lock the doors. If you like, leave the keys in the ignition in case you are wakened by the prase "Cleetus, ge'on an' grab mah hatchet," or the rumblings of a curious bear sniffing the food in your trunk.
Enjoy your night! In the morning you will want to get up relatively early, unless you have found a particularly ideal spot and your presence will not arouse suspisions in the morning light.
Stay tuned for Part 2: How to manipulate public resources
Hasta entonces...
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