A Bum, aThumb, a Plum

I’ve gotten in the habit of picking up hitchhikers. Technically, it's illegal to hitchhike or pick up a hitchhiker in BC, so it’s crucial to check for cop cars before stopping. But, having hitchhiked several times myself, it is always amazing how few people will stop, even if you are well-dressed and not at all questionable-looking. When and if someone does stop, it’s never the loner in the Suburban. Rather, it’s usually someone in a VW rabbit purchased used in 1984, who, to accommodate a passenger, is forced to throw approximately a cubic yard of garbage, unpaid parking tickets, clothing, books and other miscellanea into the backseat.

So I stop. Many Canadians I’ve met are quite critical of the good old US of A, and citizens of said country are guilty by association; so I’d like to think I’m making the most out of my Colorado plates. Also, it’s always interesting to hear the stories of the folks you pick up. On my way south from Whistler on Saturday, I picked up a gentleman bound for Squamish. He was about 45, if I had to guess, and had a large, really beat-up backpack—probably the reason he had been waiting over an hour in the 40° weather. Apparently he had been biking up in the hills above the highway and had flatted his front tire (don’t know why he didn’t carry a spare, or patch kit), and was forced to hike out to the road for a lift. He was a very talkative fellow, and for the 20 minutes he sat in my passenger seat, regaled me with the annals of his soon-to-be business selling organic liqueurs made from local fruits (cherries, blackberries, plums etc.)

Using a process he claims to have invented, he achieves an alcohol percentage of 33% without distillation. If and when he wished to distribute his product, this would allow him to circumvent BC’s laws specific to distilled spirits, even though the alcohol percentage is the same or higher as many distilled liquors. (Nothing like a good loophole, eh?) As a side note, alcohol percentages higher than those of wine, so 12-15%, are typically not attainable via fermentation due to the nature of the fermentation process. This gentleman claims to have invented a process by which the alcohol is concentrated via freezing. Presumably the process involves lowering the temperature of the mixture until it forms a slushy-consistency. At this point, the water would be frozen but the alcohol would not, and by skimming off the ice he could concentrate the alcohol. That’s complete speculation on my part, of course. He wouldn’t go into specifics.

In essence his business plan is to market these liqueurs as organic, locally produced, and rich in antioxidants. He also claims that because he does not use any additives, the product won’t give you a hangover. Fat chance. I wished him luck, and we parted ways.

So technically I picked up a bootlegger who had stayed the night in an abandoned cabin in the woods and had only a semi-plausible story as to why he was standing on the side of the road twenty miles from anywhere.

But it’s all about how you frame it.