Ski Lingo for Dummies

OK, I couldn't let this one pass. On my birthday I received an email from my grandparents (thanks for the gift!) wishing be a happy birthday. Included in the email was the following sentence:

"We've been reading your blog. You have a whole different vocabulary than we speak!!!!"

Now that the resort is open my entries may trend towards ski-talk, so it is of the utmost importance that we're all on the same page with the vocabulary. I visited a Ski Bum site for a starter list, and then added some definitions of my own. Sentences or words in [brackets] are my own additions.

May this entry act as a tool for those that struggle to decipher my slang/ski lingo.

Types of Runs

Bunny Hill – the area of any ski mountain that’s specifically set aside for beginners. It’s
always got a very slight incline, and lots of extra room for everyone to fall down without
any worries.

Backcountry – the unmarked trails that are beyond the areas of the mountain that are
accessible by the lifts. Only the most expert skiers and riders should ever explore
backcountry areas. They go through extensive avalanche survival training, and carry
special gear. If you’re the sort of skier or rider who’s reading this vocabulary list, don’t go
into the backcountry. [True Dat]

Groomed run (or “groomer”) – a run that’s been combed over by grooming
equipment, resulting in a smooth, wavy surface that some folks will call corderoy [it looks like the fabric]. A
groomed surface is the easiest surface to ski or ride on. Most grooming is done overnight,
so the best time to enjoy groomed runs is early in the day.

Bowl -- a large, open, bowl-shaped area of a mountain, usually with few trees and lots of
snow. More common out West than in the East. [Think Vail]

Mogul run – a run that’s got big bumps, which are particularly challenging. Sometimes
these bumps are the natural byproduct of a fresh snowfall that’s been churned up by a
day or two of skiers and riders, and sometimes they’re moguls that are shaped by special
equipment. Most mogul runs are black diamond runs. [Knee cartilage is overrated]

Chutes – extremely challenging trails that dodge between trees or rocks, usually at the
top of a mountain. These are often marked with double-black diamonds. [see also couloir -- a subcategory of chute characterized by steep rock walls on either side, almost universally narrow and steep]

Cat tracks - a very thin trail that cuts across a mountain, usually connecting one part of
the mountain to another, with a very slight incline. Snowboarders often dislike them,
because the slight incline makes it difficult to maintain speed.

Traverse – verb: to ski or slide-slip against the fall line, to move sideways across a
slope, instead of down. If you suddenly discover a field of moguls below you, you might
traverse across the slope to get to an easier area of the run. noun: a path that cuts
sideways across a slope.

What's a Line?

Lift line – the line of people waiting to board a chair lift.

Fall line – the imaginary line down the natural slope of a trail: if you allowed a big ball to
roll down a hill, that’s the fall line. [good definition--if you know this one people will think you're good]

Line – the particular path that you take down a run, most often used when skiing or riding
in an open bowl. Skier 1: “I’m going to head out left, then head straight down.” Skier 2:
“Yeah, that’s a great line.”

Types of Snow

Powder - fresh snowfall that's low in moisture content. Powder is the best snow to ski or
ride on. In the West, some resorts (particularly in Utah) have fluffy powder with
extremely low moisture content, which they'll call champagne powder.

Crud – powder that’s been skied over. It looks like cookie dough; it's chunky looking, but
still soft. Crud is a preferred snow texture.

Corn – hard re-frozen pellets of snow – a preferred snow texture.

Grapple – like very small hail pellets, or like sleet, but rounder and thicker. Grapple isn't
the best snow, but it's not the worst. It doesn't stick to your skis or board.

Groomed - see "groomed run" above.

Crust - hard packed snow that's frozen, but not icy. [wind crust - layer of hard, windblown snow with soft powder underneath - notoriously difficult to ski]

Mashed Potatoes [slush] – warm, melting snow, most common during the spring at the base of
a mountain. It's notoriously slow to ski or ride in.

Types of Conditions

Bluebird day – The most gorgeous day imaginable. A bluebird day is a bright, sunny day
after a fresh snowfall the night before.

Vertigo – foggy conditions, which make it very easy to lose your sense of balance.

Flatlight – a cloudy day, which makes it hard to perceive definition on the snow surface,
and can easily trigger a headache. A yellow-lens goggle will often help the best.

Andrew's Additives

Gnarly - Line or run which is intense, steep, rocky, or otherwise dangerous and risky. Syn: burly Var: Gnar, gnarilicious, tasty, burlicious, beefy, sick Usage: "Lace up your gnar boots, this could get sticky!"

Sick - Adjective describing something amazing, spectacular, intense, skillful, ballsy, unbelievable, etc. Syn: Ill, wicked, rad Usage: "That footage of Hugo Harrison sure was sick!"

Blower - Adj describing absolutely spectacular powder conditions Usage "Today was blower man, I can't believe your sorry ass had to work."

Epic - Unbelievable conditions, perfect day skiing, etc.

Huck, Drop, Send - All terms for skiing off a cliff. Usage: "When there's more snow, I'm gonna send that cliff."

Amped, psyched, pumped - Charged up, ready to go, excited etc.

Face Shots - A "Face shot" occurs when a skier (snowboarders don't get face shots) skis through such deep powder that the snow is pushed up and splashes the skier in the face, temporarily blinding him/her. This will nearly universally elicit war whoops, yells and shouts of ecstasy. The face shot is the holy grail of powder skiing.

Stomp - To stick a landing, to land soundly without thrashing about or nearly falling.

Yard Sale - This occurs when a skier falls at high speed and items such as poles, goggles, hat, gloves, boots, skis etc. become strewn across the slope. Self explanatory, really.

Sketch - Verb, transitive. To "sketch" something is to very nearly mess it up. For example, "Ferdinand sketched that landing" would indicate that Ferdinand nearly fell while landing. Adj - Sketchy. Indicated a high degree of danger, unknown consequence or risk. Also a person of questionably character or judgement.

Gaper - (GAY-per) A person who is not an experienced skier. Hallmarks of Gaperdom are a complete inability to carry skis, dated clothing, rear-entry boots, a complete inability to walk in ski boots, anyone from Texas, etc.

Goggle Gap - The space between the top of the goggles and the helmet. There should be no space between the goggles and the helmet, as snow and wind will otherwise freeze your brains. Goggle gap = major gaper.

Rip - To ski/snowboard very well. SYN - "To shred" Usage "Jolene was a real ripper. Did you see her shred that line?"


Kill, Slay - To ski/ride something exceptionally well. Usage "Ronaldo slayed [killed] that line."


Well, I could keep writing but I think that's enough working vocab for the time being. If I think of any crucial words I have forgotten I will post them at a later date. Happy reading!!

Rockcomb

Blackcomb mountain opened today. Pollack and I walked onto the gondola at the crack of 9:35 only to find that Blackcomb was fully living up to it's derisive moniker: Rockcomb. There really wasn't enough coverage to ski, and after hitting a few rocks we called it quits.

Instead, we headed up good old Whistler mountain and hiked to Harmony bowl. I made tracks down a narrow chute in knee to thigh deep powder and Pollack hit a good line as well. The snow was so good we decided to spend 25 minutes bootpacking back to the top to ski new, equally epic lines before heading down. Our descent featured endless powder, no tracks, and I even skied some trees where I found more deep snow. Bottom line? I'm exhausted, exhilarated, and fully ready to work for a couple days to let my legs relax.

Pollack was skiing a narrow, center-mounted Volkl park kski that was about a foot to small for him (his skis are not yet mounted) so it was a feat to ski such deep snow. The highlight may have been his accidental 180 reverse-somersault maneuver that left me doubled over with laughter and him with powder in his pants.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

WoHOO!!

Whistler mountain opened today, and I cannot adequately describe to you how phenomenal it was. The skiing was absurd. Really, it was just silly. November 26 has never slid so well--at least for yours truly. I showed up at the gondola line expecting a Loveland-style opening with one run and tons of man-made snow. Well, the man-made snow part was partially right. But I get ahead of myself.

I stashed my ski gear at the shop last night, so I walked over at 8:30 this morning to suit up. Sam took several hours off from work to ski, and the two of us headed to the gondola line. The line stretched almost 200 yards from the loading station, after going through the turnstiles. Fortunately it went quickly, and we were on the mountain by 9:15. We quickly discovered almost a foot of snow and spent several runs investigating this unexpected surprise.

We soon met up with some other skiers and decided to hike up to Whistler bowl. I must add two things here 1) I had no idea what was happening, I simply followed the locals and tried not to fall onto rocks 2) these people are a different breed of skier. (The terrain we skied is normally accessed via lifts, but they weren't running. By hiking, we managed to pillage the best lines on the mountain, untracked.) After about an hour's hike, Luke marched up to scope an intimidating line. Shadowed by a cornice with unknown coverage and exposed rocks to cushion a fall, it looked questionable at best. Truth be told, we couldn't really see more than the first 50 feet--it was too steep. I was a little nervous--after all this is my 3rd run of the season for pete's sake--but we all ended up skiing it. THe snow was good, knee deep, and the run was probably a 40-43 degree pitch. Super-fun, in other words.

We skied, hiked, skied, and hiked all day long. Our last run again mandated the hour-long hike to the summit where we skied a narrow (two ski-lenghts wide) chute at a 40* pitch (approx). Again, gnarly powdery fun.

Now that the resort is open, the true character of this town is beginning to shine. Instead of melancholy downtrodden folks struggling to exist in this overpriced fantasy world, we are united as skiers, each as psyched as the next to rip turns every day. The change happened overnight and Whistler feels like a new town.

As we were hiking up to take our last run, I met Hugo Harrison. As far as celebrities go, I'm not one to raise a ruckus, but it took me by surprise. Paul, Andre and I were just clipping in to ski the couloir when Hugo walked by. He had a pair of beefy 195cm Kastle skis with a huge Helly Hansen sticker plastered across the front (one of his sponsors). Andre knew him, so he stopped to chat for several minutes before slogging upward towards the summit. It was great to see one of the best skiers in the world just out doing what he loves to do--no helicopters, film crews, nothing. Just Hugo with his giant skis strapped to his pack. I would have loved to watch him ski, but that's just not a reality. There's no way to keep up with this guy. For those of you who don't know him, here's some ski porn to give you an idea of how good he is. We had a large poster of him at Outpost; I may have given it to my bro. Click the square at bottom right to watch the full-screen version.



My legs are exhausted, so I think I'll take the advice of French Paul for the evening. "There is nothing so good as your ass for resting your legs."

Where the beer flows like wine....

ASPEN!!!

I just returned from our staff training trip in Aspen Colorado. We took three flights into the Aspen airport on Wednesday the 19th and returned on Sunday the 23rd. The trip was all-expenses paid, and we were treated very well A full entry would be overwhelming so I've compiled a highlight reel.

Wednesday we woke at 3:30 am after two hours of sleep, traveled 18 hours on three flights, and arrived in Aspen at 8pm. I called Amanda, and Luke, Paul, Amanda and I dove straight into the hot tub, then went to the Double Dog Pub for Guinness, followed by beer and pizza at 1am.

Thursday I walked around the village for several hours, saw Kelsey, and went to the training in the afternoon. I learned more about boots than I ever thought was possible to know, and then we headed to dinner at "Gusto," a nice restaurant off of Main street. The meal was paid for by Surefoot so we all ordered Filet Mignon, wine, beer, shots--whatever we wanted, basically. It was the best meal I've had in months, and the steak was Argentine-esque (ie unbelievable).

Friday was full on training. We had to find our own dinner so we went to Annies, a sweet bar with cheap food and cheaper alchohol. (You may be noticing a trend here.)

Saturday was full on traning as well, followed by dinner at the Cantina, a Mexican restaurant. Again, the bar was open. All Surefoot employees were entrusted to eat and drink as much as possible, and we did not take this duty lightly. After the restaurant we went to several clubs and stayed out till 2am. I saw a crack dealer get busted, and found some rocks on the floor of the bar afterwards. (Yes, I threw them away.)

Sunday is worth mention. Here's a timeline of the day.

8:40 am - 10 employees meet at the front desk to catch a shuttle to the airport
9:30 am - 10 employees board a prop plane to denver, ginger ale in hand, heads down.
9:40 am - Cabin pressurization makes one employee vomit in a bag.
9:45 am - Severe Turbulence makes two more employees vomit in a bag.
9:46 am - flight attendant refuses to let anyone out of his/her seat to use the bathroom
10:00 am - Even more severe turbulence makes several more employees vomit
10:05 am - We arrive at DIA and part ways

Basically, the flight was painful and hysterical all at once. People looked like death, and I mean absolute unfiltered pain and agony. It was really pitiful. After the flight I went and apologized to a couple with an infant who had been sitting in front of one guy (R) who puked the whole time and looked as pathetic and hurting as any human can look. The couple laughed and said "no, it was nice. It reminded us of when we used to have a good time." Ugh. I'm not so sure R would have shared that sentiment. Anyway, it was the most eventful flight I've been on in a while. And for the record, my vomit bag remained dry.

"Aspen, where the beer flows like wine and the women flock like the salmon of Capustrano." --Dumb and Dumber

There's no place like Foam

Today I had my custom liners made. We refer to the practice as "foaming" because the liners are made from an expanding chemical reaction that forms a dense foam once inside the liner. Previously I had performed this peculiar and somewhat esoteric practice on unsuspecting customers in spite of never having had it done to me.

The principle is as follows. Ski boots need to be made of a stiff material in order to drive the ski with sufficient force. Due to it's weight, relative flexibility, price, etc, plastic has been chosen for the manufacture of ski boots (polyether to be precise). Plastic, it turns out, is not the most comfortable footwear in the best of conditions. Now take this vise-like, generic plastic hull, shove your foot into it and subject yourself to subzero temperatures, water in all forms, and high-force impacts. No small wonder skiers' feet aren't happy at the end of the day. Traditional liners are basically layered foam that breaks down quickly (pack-out) and do little except keep the foot warm and protect it from the nefarious plastic. The foam liner is custom-made to the user's foot, allowing the material to be more dense, last longer, and actually improve the performance of the boot. Because the liner contours to the foot and holds it snugly, energy is transmitted rapidly to the ski. OK, now for the fun part.

The un-injected custom liner looks like a mutant octopus--no fewer than 6 plastic tubes protrude from it's surface (see photo below). Two tubes run into the liner just above the ankle near the achilles, one runs into the tongue, and three exit tubes run from the top of the foot where the tongue of the liner meets the foot. Foam runs into the top tubes, fills all the empty space in the boot and exits through the tubes at the bottom.

Succinctly, the process of foaming is medieval. It's painful, involves brute strength, severely decreased circulation, pliers, hair-pulling, sweat, physical exertion, and a highly exothermic chemical reaction (explosions are highly exothermic, fyi.) People pay lots of money to have this done.

Step 1) The bootfitter places very sticky pads over the ankle bones (if they're hairy prior, they won't be afterwards). The pads are followed by a sock, then a toe cap, then a plastic bag. The toe cap keeps the heel pushed back in the boot (ie crunches your toes) and the plastic bag protects the foot from the foam if something goes wrong. The pain begins here.
Step 2) The bootfitter yanks on the liner with pliers to remove wrinkles, then buckles the boot to obscene tightness. On top of this, a strong velcro strap is wrapped around the tongue of the boot as tight as it can be pulled. This keeps the tongue from getting too fat with foam and doubles as a tournakit.
Step 3) The game of seconds begins. The bootfitter mixes the chemicals and shakes for 15 seconds. Too long and the bottle will explode--make no doubt about it. After 15 seconds the lid is removed and QUICKLY screwed into the injection tubes on the tongue. At this point the customer feels as if all the blood is being pushed from his/her lower leg (it squeezes like a blood pressure test on 'roids).
Step 4) Buckles are tightened even further, more chemicals are mixed and the heel section of the liner is foamed. For two minutes the customer is asked to pull downwards against two steel bars positioned on either side of the foaming stand. This is crucial to keep the heel set firmly in the boot. The foam pushes with enough force to move the foot if the person does not pull hard enough.
Step 5) The process is repeated for the other foot.
Step 6) The customer stands in the boots for five minutes before the buckles are loosened and circulation can return to the feet.

Bottom line? I will be much more sympathetic when customers complain that the process is uncomfortable. It is.

The sock, the pads, the toe cap, and the plastic bag. Have fun!

This shot is taken by a customer of someone using pliers to remove wrinkles from the liner.

Here is a boot with the custom liner in it. The foam is visible flowing into the tongues of both boots. Notice the exit tubes coming from the toes and the tubes at the rear of the boot. The chemicals can be seen in the background. The small dark bottle is poured into the large pink one before shaking.

Howl at the Moon

November has been a rather uneventful month. Turns out, life is significantly less interesting once a person is gainfully employed and has a place to live. Carwithness, it seems, makes excellent fodder for writing.

As for the photo, yes. That is me, in my underwear, jumping into a glacial lake in the dead of night under a full moon in Canada. Let me explain. In mid-October I took a run down towards Green Lake, and in doing so discovered a lovely swimming dock. Upon returning to the house, I proposed that all the roommates (now former-roommates) should go swimming in the lake under the full moon. Unfortunately the full moon had just passed and the next was on the 12th of November. "Well, we'll do it then," I said, making everyone promise to join me on the mission.

The matter stayed under the radar until the 12th of November. This was my intent. I've discovered that people are much more apt to act rashly when they haven't had time to think something through. My recruiting scheme depended on three elements. 1) I had made everyone promise in October they would come (helloooo guilt trip) 2) they wouldn't have time to wimp out if I didn't remind them in advance 3) peer pressure. This strategy has served me well for seducing hapless friends into ditching class to go skiing, taking massive hikes up Colorado peaks in the dead of night, running off for last-minute fishing trips, etc. Things this important should never be left to chance.

So, at 8pm on November the 12th, under a clear, moonlight sky, I burst into the house howling like a werewolf and generally making a ruckus--making damn sure everyone knew exactly what was up (no excuses, remember?) By 11 o'clock pm I had convinced six other foolhardy souls to jump in the freezing glacial lake with me, in the 40* weather. We piled 14 people into 2 cars (my Passat has never held 8 people before) and drove to the lake. We stripped down to the skivvies, posed briefly for a photo, and before you could say "if-all-your-friends-jumped-into-a-freezing-lake-would-you-follow?" bodies started hitting the water.

Before.

Immediately before.

"Get me (*gasp*) outta here!!"

We chased our cold water experience with hot chocolate and movies, as well as a German-style sauna experience. Actually only Rico and I went for the German sauna which consisted of three sessions, each hotter and longer than the last. For the final session, Rico instructed me that we must cover our entire bodies with salt, and cover our faces with syrup. I can now definitively say that sweat tastes much better when it's mixed with syrup, and that my skin was silky smooth. Hope everyone's November is going well, please pray for colder temperatures in Whistler!!

New Home

Well, I've moved again. This time, I should be set for the season. I'm now living about 10 minutes walking from the village (as opposed to 10 minutes driving), and I have my own room. Basically I'm renting a room from a family who are renting the ground floor of a house. There are 2 other sets of people living upstairs: a couple and a group of guys. I haven't met any of them yet. The room is quite nice with plenty of space for my things. I've got a window, a closet, and I sleep on a futon which doubles as a couch. For this 10X10 foot area, plus internet, utilities, and use of the kitchen/washer/dryer, I pay $800/mo. Yeah.

The family is Brendan (12), Dan (16), and Lisa (?), and they're very nice people. I don't think living with them will be a problem. So I'm happy and Finally settled in for the winter. Whew.

I haven't written much lately because there's nothing happening. I've been working only 2 days/week and spending the other 5 sleeping, watching movies, cleaning my car, running, playing guitar, walking around, cleaning my room, cooking, brushing my teeth, playing guitar, cleaning my room, watching movies....you get the picture: anything to fill my time.

Yesterday Lars, Michael, Sungse and I went on a mission to Squamish seeking more affordable groceries, and we had a blast. We each bought massive amounts of food and crammed it into the trunk of the Passat. None of them had ever eaten Wendys, so I made them all purchase a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger and a Frosty before we headed back up to Whistler. I also splurged and bought new guitar strings (yes!).

Tomorrow Lars, Michael and I are headed to Rainbow Lake for a hike. It should be interesting since WHISTLER GOT SNOW ON THURSDAY!!!! 16" OF IT!!!! and there's a 60% chance of rain showers. Hopefully one of the boys will bring a camera. Also when I get a camera I'll post more pics of my room etc.

November 4th, 2008!!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government."

Sorry to break my self-imposed ban on political commentary, but I just couldn't keep silent on this particular occasion. I've also added several very select songs to the playlist which I find inspiring, fitting, or patriotic. There are 6 new songs total. Click "Play," and then use the "forward/back" buttons to hear them all. !Disfrútense!