Friday, December 5, 2008

Yes, I'd like a '99 Passat with a side of Quirky, please.

So in the six brief years that my car and I have been acquainted, she has shown me more quirky personality traits than I thought any vehicle could conjure. Quirky is definitely the proper word. I'm not talking about the type of heavy-duty baggage that could spell the end for a quality six-year relationship. Things like head-gasket failure, smoke from under the hood, the clutch burning out, the transmission exploding, chronic backfire, etc.--those are real deal-brakers. But the sheer number of subtle disfunctionalities is quite impressive.

I suppose it's kind of endearing really....someday I'm sure I'll miss the visor mirror covers that fall off every time someone tries to pop a zit in the passenger seat (and the duct-tape holding it in place), the CD player in the trunk that doesn't play CD's, the short in the dashboard that cuts the backlight to the temperature controls so that when I drive at night I can't see whether the defroster or the AC is on, the temperamental right-rear passenger-side window that only rolls down when it's warmer than 90* or when you stretch waaay back to use the control on the door itself, the emergency brake cover that comes off in your hand if you pull too hard, the cupholders that don't hold anything other than a can of beer or a child-size frosty, the driver's-side front speaker that must be thwacked soundly every Thursday at noon for it to continue to fulfill it's duties as a sound-emitting device, the volume control knob that occasionally BLASTS the volume when you try to turn the volume down, the passenger-side seat that is never quite comfortable, the random spring I found floating under the seat four years ago the function of which I have still not figured out, or the metal kabob skewer I rigged to hold the glovebox shut because one day the handle came off in my hand when I tried to access my drivers manual. I guess someday I'll miss those things. But for now, I'm just impressed with her newest trick.

This one really takes the cake. It first happened about two weeks ago, when it got really cold for several days running. I walked up to my vehicle in the parking lot, and inserted my key into the driver's side lock (I never use a remote--both because it takes up too much space in my pocket and because it got wet two days after I got the car and hasn't worked since). Anyhow, the key wouldn't go in. I tried flipping the key, jamming the key, the bit. No matter what I did, it would not go in more than halfway. Stumped, I walked around to the trunk and unlocked the car from there.

Two days later the lock started working just fine. In the following weeks, I tracked this phenomenon and have discovered the following: the problem only occurs when the temperature drops belos 32*F. Basically my car attempts to lock me out anytime the thermometer dips below freezing. It's accurate--I'd say within two degrees +/-. Of course, my point of reference for all this is the thermometer built into the car itself, which, for some inexplicable reason umbeknownst to me, I'm still disposed to trust.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hi, Andrew ...

I've been enjoying your blog. I thought I'd make a couple of suggestions after reading your latest post:

1. During the next warm spell, spray a bunch of WD-40 into the lock. The "WD" originally stood for "water displacement" and that might help drive out the water that's freezing your lock.

2. Carry a butane lighter. If the lock is frozen, warm the key with the lighter then try to insert it. Probably a good idea to wear glove while trying this.

Best regards,

- Matt